These “mini-rules” for how we interact, taking the form of defense mechanisms, can paradoxically quash the aspects that define a successful dating experience: spontaneity and the joy of authentic communication.

1) Wait before you reply

We see their message, we have a reply ready in our heads... and we hold back. It’s not because we’re busy, but we’re scared that if we reply too quickly, it will reveal something about us: too much interest, too many expectations, too desperate.

Why do we restrain ourselves? It’s about control, creating an illusion of mystery, and hiding our true emotions.

How can we stop?

• Let yourself go with the flow. Reply when you can, when you want, and when you’re available.

• Sense the difference between “I’m taking my time” and “I’m holding back”.

• Use a simple test to decide: Are my reasons for delaying a reply artificial or not?

2) Adopt a (much too) detached attitude

Sometimes, we may be tempted to wear the disguise of an inaccessible dating prospect. We like profiles without commenting, send vague replies, trying to impose some distance to protect ourselves. 

Why do we do this? To avoid feeling vulnerable, we may have a tendency to push detachment to the extreme. 

How can we stop?

• Get involved with your Crush as much as you like, while keeping a clear head when it comes to your own expectations and boundaries.

• Remember that if a relationship with your Crush is meant to last, they will eventually see the real you. You might as well be yourself from the start! 

3) Wait too long to suggest a date

We start writing messages, it’s going well, and we are waiting for the “perfect” moment. Unfortunately this often leads to the conversation stagnating and both people losing interest.

Why do we do this? We’re anxious about meeting the person in real life, or afraid they’ll say no! (And so what if they do?!)

How can we stop?

• See the date as the goal. If you choose to chat with someone, it’s because you want to meet them IRL, isn’t it?

• Don’t hesitate to suggest a date early on if you feel a connection. 

• Remember that if you got a Crush, it’s because there’s already a spark of attraction.

If there’s one thing these rules have in common, it’s the fact that they are all based on the same fear: revealing too much of yourself, too quickly. But if we protect ourselves too much, we often miss out on what we’re really looking for. Spontaneity, genuine interest, the desire to get to know another person... And yet, these are the very things that make the start of a new relationship great. Connections that are made authentically, without strategizing or calculating - just two people who crossed paths and decided to seize the opportunity: No rule can replace that.